An exceptional weekend, so far!

The one benefit of blogging on a regular basis is the fact that I can put my thoughts on paper which really help me remember certain details. Most recently I have done a huge amount of research on my personality type and it is much easier to have items written out in addition to saying them (affirmation) or having them stored up in my brain. I guess when I began this blog I never really intended to write so much about my personal life, but it has blossomed so far and I really don't know of any other way to do it. My "futurist" blog will likely contain all items not pertaining to my personal life, and not just predicting the future. Ha!

For as long as I can remember, I can't think of a single weekend that I did not enjoy 100 percent. Because of this, I always thought that the key to happiness would be the ability to never work another day in my life and just relax and play 365 days a year. This is one of the reasons why I always blamed work for "holding me back" and that an extended leave of absence would be welcome. Knowing that this probably wouldn't be a viable option, I often schedule 4-day work weeks as often as possible, in order to enjoy an extended weekend in lieu of week-long vacations. I often look towards these days off and wonder how I could survive without them. Perhaps for the first time last week, I didn't necessarily have that feeling. In fact, I almost wanted to go into work and struggled to keep my mind off it during the day.

A few things have happened in the past couple weeks that I really never expected. The first is that I discovered that being around lots of people doesn't necessarily drain my energy; in fact it sometimes provides it. The real key is that I need to be involved in something that I am genuinely interested in doing. I also need to be surrounded with others who also share a positive attitude about things. People who are "downers" will sap my energy like none other. The next realization is that I really do enjoy working...a lot. Anything that keeps me busy is pretty much golden, as long as I'm not overly worried about something else going on at the same time. As long as the work is meaningful and not redundant or irrelevant, most people know that I am a dynamo and will not stop for nothing. As a side effect, I believe my attitude at work has improved. Next, regarding my attitude. This probably requires an individual post in it's own right to fully explain. Basically though, my prevailing attitude for the last few years has been "don't bother me with your crap". This pertains mostly to computer help (outside work) and other small favors and such. I've had a really bad habit of not answering my phone or returning calls, mainly because I've been so stressed about people wanting things from me that I've been unable to function properly. I'm seeing signs of this changing. I believe my introverted, not caring, apathetic attitude was largely due to mountains of perceived stress and expectations which I could not handle.

Much of this probably came to a head in 2002-03 when I began working 2 jobs (actually 3, including my consulting on the side) and didn't have a minute to rest. I was actually quite motivated at the time to work as many hours as I could (I had ambitions of opening my own business within the next 18 months), and something happened that changed my entire attitude about things. I'm still not sure if it had to do with the people I surrounded myself with, the cumulative burnout from working so many hours, or the collateral damage to my physical and mental health during that time. One thing is certain -- I was never the same person afterward and that bothers me a lot. I often talk about regaining the edge. The edge that was lost during those years.

I also want to talk a little more about my plans for spring/summer. I actually don't think they'll be much different than before. Most of my time will be dedicated to softball, gardening, dogs, computer work (fixing, games, etc.), the occasional roadtrip and other intellectual pursuits. I think reading/movies will still have their place, but I'm not sure how much time I'll have for everything. Another new activity that I may becoming more involved in is being with my 3 nephews more often. They are getting to the age (5, 3 and 2) where I feel as though I can begin start participating in their lives in a more meaningful way.